I've been reading John Smith's classic book (the latest edition) Sharpening The Cutting Edge. It really is worth a read. In it there is a quote by Amy Carmichael that was really helpful to me as I reflected on the incident of the apology a few days ago now.
"If I am afraid to speak the truth lest I lose affection, or lest the one concerned should say, 'you do not understand' or because I fear to lose my reputation for kindness; if I put my own good name before the other's highest good, then I know nothing of Calvary love. If I am content to heal a hurt slightly, saying peace, peace, where there is no peace; if I forget the poignant words 'let love be without dissimilation (be sincere)' and blunt the edge of truth, speaking no right things but smooth things, then I know nothing of Calvary love." -Amy Carmichael